Birthday

So, I had a birthday yesterday. One of those scary ones. But it turned out to be a really nice day.
First, we planned to go to the SLC children's museum with some family but then there was snow in the canyon that morning. So Hubby called from work to say we wern't going and did I want him to come home. Duh. So he first went to the store to buy the supplies for my CAKE. It's pretty awesome and he makes it for me every year (except last as I wouldn't have enjoyed it mid-pregnancy).  Ok, it's really awesome and he deserves best huband award for the hours it takes to create. Don't worry, it takes me at least as long to eat it, out of respect and out of pure enjoyment, stretching it out over a few weeks to enjoy it amazingness.
We watched Cars2, then went to Indian Oven for dinner (another annual, minus last year, favorite). Baby J had spinach soup and loved the complementary rice crackers and was a good sport about being kept up pas bedtime. Back home to put the Bubs to bed and open presents. My parents game me too many and great gifts, as usual. And, my sister with mad-gift-giving skills guessed right on my fav Bath &Body Works flavor.

Hmmm. Once a year is just right for a birthday.

Laboring @ Home

I had a friend recently ask me for tips on laboring at home. Here's the short list I came up with for her. Of course, many of these could be adapted to a birth-center or hospital setting.

• Keep a box of snacks/drinks nearby.
• Practice all the positions/comfort measures before hand. Make a list of them all and keep it close by to look at.
• Write down/record affirmations for yourself/coach to repeat while laboring.
• Try the shower/bathtub.
• Pick a point (or mental image) to focus on while breathing through waves.
• waterproof pad/shower curtain under (old) sheets on bed
• waterproof pads under soft towels anywhere you like to lay down.
• lots of pillows.
• Practice squatting-excellent pushing position. As far down as you can go-heels flat.
• Do 'tail wag' every morning and night, and whenever you thing about it (same for kegels). Tail wag is to get on all fours and tip your pelvis up and down-focus on arched back and flex back up like a cat back and forth up to 100x.
• I liked apple juice best. Prob watered down so not too sweet.
• Use a bendy straw to keep drinking to keep energy up.
• Go to sleep during labor whenever possible. And DON"T apologize for it.
• When not sleepy, stay active, up and own stairs, walk, sweep kitchen, etc.
• Keep a garbage can close for puking/pooping.
• Don't scrunch up your face/hands/shoulders/muscles during waves/pain/fear. Focus energy in letting the waves do their work.
• Breath in and out while counting 1-1, 1 2 -1 2, etc as far up as you can go. I got to ten and that made the waves shorter/bearable.
• I borrowed my chiropractor's maternity massage pillow so I could rest on my stomach occasionally.
• Cheap/DI towels
• blankets if you get cold.
• wet washcloths kept warm in a crockpot/rice cooker. Use for compress on perinium during pushing.
• I labored in a short, short-sleeve, zippered robe I found at the DI. could lift for checks and unzip to nurse. felt very covered and comfortable.
• PH paper to test amniotic fluid leaking
• Babysitter for other children.
• Park your car facing out, full of gas, and ready to go with carseat installed and hosp bag in the trunk.
• keep one bag box handy inside for things you use everyday/during labor that you would also like at the hosp. Coach's job to grab that on way out of door. Or can come back later for it.

As for as my mental things:

• Prepare mentally/physically for anything you can think of. ambulance/unwanted guests/recussitaion/hemorrhaging etc. that way you will not get scared or be disappointed if any of those things happen.
• I had heard of painless birth but didn't expect that. But doing the breathing/comfort measures/affirmations etc I can say that my labor wasn't painful. Just pressure and intensity. I do believe I was very blessed. There was a little pain in my back since baby was posterior when I got on a birth stool to push but went away when I got off.

For Daddy:

• practice comfort measures to see how mom likes them
• discuss/memorize affirmations
• encourage eating/drinking
• practice areas to massage for comfort

The waterproof pads are these: http://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Blue-Underpad-Chux-23x36/dp/B000FA05Y6 We found them in the pharmacy area at Walmart. You can use them for stuff after so just get a pack or two. Our midwife had us pour red-tinted water in it so we could see what a hemorrhage looked like.
Snacks-
I unfortunately was dumb (and in la-la-labor land) and didn't eat or drink anything. I just know that milk and bread (toast is ok) are not good because they can ball up in your tummy and thus are easy to throw up. Coconut water is supposed to be great for labor, as well as smoothies and I know you like those.

Top Nine

I had a friend ask me for my list of must-haves for baby so I thought I'd share it here.

1.  Place to sleep. We love our bassinet that we had in our room for the first month, then moved to the closet. If you're not nursing and getting up to make a bottle anyway, I would put the baby in her own room after the first week or so. J is just starting to get too big for his bassinet at 13 lbs./3mos. We'll get him into the crib next month.
  2.  Burp rags. A couple dozen, a stack for each room. (Ethan-It seems like we got a lot, but unless you pin them to yourself they often get left behind when you move and then you don't have one when you need it, unless you have a lot and spread them around)
  3. Wipes- We got some soft washcloths and use them with warm water (E-it's less abrasive/startling, especially at first when we'd use a cold wipe he could cry, but he was fine with a warm cloth). Also, their first few bowel movements are pretty sticky, so it's easier to clean up with the washcloth than wipes.
  4.  baby shampoo/soap. Johnson's foaming soap pump (or one from Bath & Body Works) uses like 1 T. of soap and the rest with water so it lasts forever and is gentler on baby's skin. I also use this with my washcloth wipes. The pump makes it very convenient.
  5.  waterproof pads-we do most of our changing/feeding on our bed so one around to put over the sheet and one permanently under
  6.  couple changes of sheets for baby's bed- same as above. can layer pad/sheet/pad/sheet for quick night changes if bed gets wet.
  7.  Boppy-even if you're bottle-feeding. i use mine with this<http://www.pillowspillows.com/images/bed%20rest.jpg> kind of pillow. It really helps my back from getting sore while feeding/rocking/holding baby. I also have one Boppy upstairs for my bed and one downstairs on the couch. That way I can feed easily wherever I am.
  8.  swaddling blankets
  9.  Baby carrier - Wraps are perfect for tiny babies because they're very protective/supportive and hold the baby close to your body (e.g. Moby or Sleepywrap. E- or Megan can make you one) E-now that he's a little bigger I prefer the Snugli because it's more open and easier to get on/off (and it was cheap). I like having the carriers because if I need to be doing stuff, I can, but still have him close and take care of him. E-I actually wore him to work in the Snugli for a couple hours when Meg had something and he slept the whole time, even though I was moving and talking to people.

We've had a crazy week around here...

Crazy because J is learning and doing so much. Good thing I finally got around to starting his Baby Blog/Book so that I can record all of it.
*Please ignore the mommy-voice and our punchy laughter. But it really is that funny, even when you are well rested.

I'm learning . . .

• to sleep on my back if I want a morning nap.

• to sleep when baby sleeps.

• to sit up straight when holding/cuddling/nursing/rocking/wearing babe so I don't get a sore back. 

• to enjoy afternoon/evening walks with E and baby.

• that being a momma brings up a whole slew of  issues that you thought were long since dead and grown out of.

• that the Little Man is in charge.

• that in order to produce nutrient-rich milk I need to eat and drink nourishing things.

• to check the diaper when he's fussy.

• that I. was. made. for. this. Bring it on.

• to respect and look forward to doctor visits (even the painful ones).

• how kind and willing to help people are during this time. 
• to plan something to do everyday. (Today it's to adapt a cookie-bar recipe to a drop-cookie recipe.)
• to let go of checking blogs, facebook, and email everyday.
• to hand baby/laundry/dinner over to E when I need a break.
• that while my labor was not perfect, it was beautiful, blessed, and an experience to build on. (interesting article on this subject here)
• how to tell my birth story without glazing over unpleasantness, freaking people out, nor bragging about doing most of my laboring at home without medication.
• the realities of cloth diapering and what really works for us.
• that  while I'm quite old to be a first time Mormon mommy, there are plenty of advantages in Joshua coming at this time for us.

What I'm still at odds with...

• Doing everything one-handed.
• Fixing myself lunch.
• Letting others hold baby.
• Getting a shower and myself ready daily.
• How to get cute pics worthy of his cuteness.
• Encouraging E to go to work rather than squander the whole day at home with us.

Any suggestions?

Hospital Visit

37 Weeks, 1 day

Last night was hard. Hard for me, my body, and the baby. Only not hard for Ethan. He's so optimistic sometimes it drives me crazy. But, in reality it kept me from going crazy.
 I had my appointment with my midwife in the early afternoon, after working a shift at Baby Animal Days (so fun). Last Thursday, we found that baby's head was engaged and I was dilated to a 4 (4 cm). So I rested over the weekend, but got busy Monday and Tuesday to get ready!
Tuesday's check was to see if there had been any progress. Not much, she just wanted to make sure that my water hadn't broken (a slow leak actually) and sent me to a family practitioner in town. A very, very good man, highly recommended, especially for natural birthing. Well, he did a few other checks and wasn't sure either, so he sent me to Labor & Delivery for a "Labor Evaluation".
Whaa?
When E got off work, we met up and I finally realized that this could be it. I knew my body wasn't ready (does a woman's own intuition count in medical/hormonal situations such as these?), but I was about to be 'put into the system'. Everything I didn't want and hadn't prepared for.  I was grateful for my 2 care providers working together to help me, I was just angry at the situation and my own un-preparedness for it.
Well, we got checked in and immediately hooked up to the monitors. Ugh. I now have personal experience and thus a personal hatred for the things. Laying reclined put serious pressure on my back that I've been working to avoid the last 6 months. Plus it cause me personal anxiety over my and my baby's condition. Not to mention the frenzied and brisk nurses...

But the Lord was watching over us. We were put in a room with huge windows looking out over the East mountains of North Logan. That was the view I had growing up, and most of my life since, and that helped me feel much more comfortable. About an hour later, the Elder's Quorum from our ward came to visit patients so we called them in and had a quick chat, them assisting E in giving me a Priesthood blessing. So nice to see someone we knew. The last tender mercy was our kind nurse. We met a few others and were v-e-r-y glad to have her. She was tentative and open, and asked my  permission before doing anything. The general tone in L&D was wary as they found out we we 'a home birth' (How does that describe us??). So I appreciated her demeanor so much.

Birth balls are awesome!

What we learned from this experience:

• Take a book/movie. We were there for 4 hours. The actual work done could have been done in under as hour.
• Move around as much as you can/desire. There is no reason you need to lay in the bed unless you want to, you are being checked, or you're on the monitor. That last one is even negotiable.
• Have a 'birth plan'. This does not need to be complicated. Even just 3 things you want and 3 things you don't. They ask you about it as you're getting settled so you can be on the same page from the very beginning.
• The rooms were not so bad, nor the husband snack parlor. Doesn't mean I could handle a birth there. Yes, honestly. People think we're brave for doing a home birth. The hospital scares us more.

On a brighter note, we had a quick ultrasound to check some things and saw a cute little face and a head of fine hair! The tech gave us the estimated weight at 6lbs, 15 oz., but still no gender. Everything turned out to be fine, and we got to come home. E was a great support and we are (ultimately) grateful for this 'practice run' for birthing.
Song #1 "Held" on the playlist will be the theme for today's post. Afterall, how can Christ be our 'Savior' if we never need 'saving'?

Believing Christ

I have been rereading Believing Christ by Stephen E. Robinson over the last few months (I lost it for a while...) and while I'm not done I wanted to share a story from the book that, to me, best exemplifies the main principle of the book:

...many years ago I came into contact with a woman who was, initially at least, one of the roughest persons I have ever known. Abused as a child, she had run away from home and lived on the streets for years...[and] traveled around the country with a morotcycle gang. In late middle age, her beauty gone, she spent most of her time in a pub, where some missionaries met her when they went in to get change for a pay phone outside. When she was baptized, many of the members worried that her conversion wouldn't last, and there were good reasons to suspect that it might not.
For a long time after her baptism, this sister still swore...[and] never quite lived the word of wisdom one hundred percent. On one occasion during her first year in the Church, she lost her temper during a relief society meeting and punched out one of the other sisters...

Now the question before us is whether someone like this can seriously expect to be saved....
'Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow'...God does not lie. Whoever will come, may come. All are invited, none is excluded. Though this sister had further to travel than most, the same covenant was offered to her: "Do all you can. I will do the rest while you learn how" ...Finally, after she'd been in the Church for many years, she was ready to go to the temple.
Can such a person really expect to inherit the kingdom of God? Of course.

But now the harder question. At what point did this sister become a candidate for the kingdom? What is when she finally gave up cigarettes, or when she got her language and temper under control? Or was it when she finally qualified for a temple recommend? No. It was none of these, though they were all important landmarks in her progress. She was justified through her faith in Jesus Christ on the day that she repented of her sins, was baptized, and received the gift of the Holy Ghost, for she entered into that covenant in good faith and with all sincerity.

I love that question: "At what point [do we] become a candidate for the kingdom?" And the answer is as soon as we enter the covenant of baptism and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost! From then on, as long as we "are willing", as long as we continue to repent and try to be better we can have absolute confidence that we are covered by the covenant and will be saved, for truly "God does not lie". To sum it up with one more line from the book "[God] does not measure height - he measures growth."

Love Day Tunes

I'm sorry for the messy layout of this blog lately, one day I'll get to it.
For now, I finally got rid of the Christmas songs on the player and added some of my favorite love songs cuz I love my crazy, wonderful man. XOXOXOXO

Favorite Pics from Florida

(They don't let you stop to take pictures near this sign, so I had to take it through the front window of the van...)

Here's a quick visual review of our trip to Orlando:

Day 1 - Epcot

Day 2 - Recover from Epcot (i.e. Lie in bed all day = no pictures)

Day 3 - Seaworld

Day 4 - Animal Kingdom

Day 5 - Kennedy Space Center

Day 6 - Magic Kingdom

Days 3,4, 5, 6, 7 of Christmas

I had a pretty bad sick couple of days, so I'm 5 days late instead of 2. On a high note, I started feeling the little babe yesterday. I've been worried, since all the guide books say I should've been feeling the baby for about 4 weeks now. Today it's so often I feel like I'm in the Magic Carpet at Lagoon. I wanted it, and now I get it.

Friday night I made the Latkes as promised. But I used part sweet potato and part russet, with no carrots as mine were frozen. Nothing against the recipe, but I though they were pretty boring.

Saturday morning I had the blessing of going to my parents' ward's Christmas breakfast. Part of the program was a local storyteller preform the Christmas story from Joseph's perspective. I blubbered. What is it about pregnancy? It was beautiful. If I find out he's doing it again, I'll invite you all. It was beautiful and sweet, and just what I needed. I caught a glimpse of what a miracle my own pregnancy is, and what real people Mary & Joesph were.

Sunday we ate dinner at my parents and missed the Christmas devotional, but I read a good part of the December Ensign in the morning. It is fabulous. It's like the church knew that we're trying to improve our holiday season, and amply provided. Highly recommended.

Monday evening, we caught the last night of the Live Nativity put on by one of the local farms in our town. I gushed, again. So what if the players were in jeans and sneakers? If Mary was bleach-blond with glitter nails? That they laughed and chatted. The scene, with the hay, the animals, and the baby-doll Jesus really touched me. We pet a donkey, sheep, and zebra-striped mule. I hope that you'll make time next year if you're in the area.

We have 2 treats as compesation for missing so many days.

Baby ELM 20 weeks gestational age

It's a little blurry, but it's baby's face in profile with a thumb's up sign pointing to babe's forehead.

Wow. 

Can you believe that??? I hardly can, but it is getting a touch more real.

Treat #2 is VERY one of my very favorite songs ever. And it seems to fit with the two awesome experiences I had. 

#18 on the playlist "Breath of Heaven" sung by Amy Grant. It's really touching, and honestly, too much for this emotional pregnant girl to take much of.

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holiness
For your holy Breath of Heaven
Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

Painting is, of course, copyright Joseph Brickey, but as I own a print that I purchased directly from the artist, I feel ok about posting it.

Day 2 of Christmas

Last night went pretty well as a beginning. I forgot that it was Cub Ssout Pack Night at the church so unfortunately, we never got to our after-dinner discussion/study. However, strangely enough, E walked in and said, "do you know the history of Hannukah?" Um, yeah, why do you ask? He had just heard a snippit on NPR on his way home about it. None of which was the same as I posted last night. I asked him to add it to yesterday's post, but we had some computer issues before bed, so it'll be in today's post instead.

Here is the loaf that I made last night. It was probably 2x too much for 2 people, as a warning.

 The seeded (with dinner, very yummy)

And the glazed. (which we were not in the mood for, due to a new cookie recipe, I think)

Here is the recipe for the one I made last night. If you're looking for an equally good, but more authentic recipe, I have made this one before with great success.

Tonight we'll have latkes with/for dinner. I haven't figured out what to serve them with. Probably just a spinach salad. E LOVES potatoes so they should be a success. I have also made blitzes from the same website that have large amounts of potatoes in them as well. Some recipes call for some sweet potato (in this case yam) to be mixed in with the regular. I'll probably do that.

The non-food potion of today's message will came form last night's missed course of study.  The NPR report reminded us that the 8 days of Hanukkah, and the lighting of the menorah candles is in commemoration of the miracle of the Jews returning to the temple (circa 2nd century BC) by Judah Maccabees and his army*. The rededication included lighting the menorah with 1 day's worth of oil. The miracle was that it actually burned for 8, giving the people time to press, prepare, and consecrate more oil for the burning of the eternal flame. 

What has the Lord done for us? When have been times of rededication for me, personally, that the Lord, Himself, has facilitated? To say nothing of what the temple has meant to me and my family. What are some miracles that I've been given, but haven't yet thanked the Lord for? 

The first miracle that comes to mind is the one that's causing me pain and distress at the moment. How can I thank the Lord for making me fruitful, to enjoy the blessings of posterity? Should/can the weight of my thanksgiving to Him match the immensity of this blessing? Or would daily prayer and striving to have a better attitude suffice? There will be some soul-searching journal writing tonight.

The only obstacle for tonight is that there is a R.S. activity. It'll be a miracle if A)I go, B)I don't throw up while there.  

Happy Day 2 of Christmas 2010!

*Another inspiring story that I learned from Living Scriptures. You can watch a little of the story on their site, as well as download a HUGE PDF activity book for free.

Crayola Colors

Don't miss our big announcement! Scroll down a post to see it!

Love this re-make of an old song. Boy, is it true about E's eyes. They are so enigmatic, shameless, and mischievous. A color that can't be named. And so is my love for him. I can't explain it. He's so different and so special that nothing can touch him and bring him back to normal. He's done so much for me the past 4 years and throughout this new, sometimes scary, experience of pregnancy. Just grateful and in awe. Thought you should know.

Expecting one of our own . . .

Surprise!

The baby God has planned for me and E 
isn't coming from an agency, but from inside of me!

OK, since I've never done this before, and too much of anything is making me sick these days, this will be quick and concise.

1. Are we excited?
1. Absolutely! Ecstatic! If you don't know, we had our hopes placed in adoption and this is such a huge blessing. The weight of it is indescribable.
2. How do I feel?
1. Sick. This thing a size of a lime can make me lose it anytime, anyplace???? Explain this to me.
3. Was this planned?
1. Ha! Is there much in our lives that is? It's more like the unplanned, unprepared, and unbelievable.
4. When am I due?
1. In the spring. "I always wanted to be a June bride, and have a baby right off, in the spring maybe"
2. I don't know. Doc keeps changing her mind. As of today I am 13 weeks 5 days.
5. What are my thoughts about delivery?
1. If I fit within the parameters of low-risk, my ideal birth would be at home, well, a home with a huge jetted tub with just Hubby, midwife, and doula.
2. However, Ethan is justifiably a little nervous about complications and such, so our first will definitely be in a hospital. Natural, but we'll have to see about a tub there.
6. Is it a Boy or Girl?
1. ????
7. 7. How did you find out you were pregnant?
1. I've been going to a chiropractor and while discussing my aches and pains she says, "could you be pregnant?" I say no. Not possible. Well, possible, but no. So I got a hosp test and prepped myself for the all-to-common "negative" over the phone. She said "positive". What? "Positive". Oh. Ok.
8. Did you want to find out the sex?
1. Not sure.  We probably won't for the fun of it, also the frugality to not buy much since we won't know colors etc. Plus I like green W-A-Y over pink or blue.
   
9. Relief?
1. Sleeping, but more specifically having crazy/intensely detailed dreams. If it's illogical and I'm skinny, I know I can relax and not worry about losing my lunch.
2. 1/2 Gatorade/Powerade, 1/2 ice water. First liquid that I can consume at all. And I can do 2 glasses a meal without feeling queasy or losing it later.
10. Favorite parts?
1. My Grandma's reaction, she was so excited for us.
2. Having so many other friends due around my time. I thought I'd never be in "the club" or be able to do "playdates" with them.
3. Having a secret this big.
4. My Grandma made us an exceptionally-adorable (and gender-neutral) baby blanket, just like the ones I had as a baby (and still occasionally sleep with).
5. Getting to have snow/winter for the greater part of this journey. I LOVE Oct-May in Cache Valley!!!!
11. Total weight gain/loss?
• - 20 from pre-conception.
12. Best moment this week?
• Watching the babe kick and squirm through the 12-week (ish) ultra-sound. Little bug's got E's nervous energy!

Please submit questions that you still have in the comments and I'll try to add them.

Summer in review: Pictures from my phone

I just got all the pictures off my phone and realized they make kind of a quick review of our recent activities (not that the pictures are actually of our recent activities...), so here they are:

Our friends Dave and Jill dropped in to visit us on a Sunday mornings few weeks ago and would have attended church with us if we had church at a reasonable time...2:30 is just so _______ (fill in favorite adjective here.) They have 2 (now 3) of the cutest kids and we love to play with them.
We went to the baptism of my niece Sydney last Saturday. It was great to see her making that important step in her life. And you say, how does that go with the picture....well, she's sitting next to me and I'm wearing the glasses from her happy meal...(this was actually taken on our trip to Tahoe over the 4th of July, but it made me think of her...).

For the 24th we went down to Willard bay with my family to play on the beach and my sister's wave runners. Since I didn't have a picture of that...I'm substituting this one of my camera shy nephew (and beautiful wife) while we were hanging out with them in Ogden.
I still go to work 5 days a week...this tree is outside my office.
And last but not least...My great, wonderful, amazing, increible bella esposa (Yes, that's you Megan...I don't have any other 'esposa') took me to the Real Salt Lake game last week. It was awesome!!! We won 3-0, the last goal was a sweet chip shot over the goalie in stoppage time, and there was a nice sunset to round out the evening.
Sometime around the middle of the second half we decided (for me it was probably more like about 30 seconds after we sat down) we really liked being there and that we should go more often (read: every game). Thanks honey for an awesome summer!!!!

Home again...

Wow. We have been out of town every week for the last 7 weeks I think. We are pretty exhausted, but grateful for the fun we've had and the invitations sent our way. This week will be no different. There's to a be a baptism down south, then we're heading to a REAL Salt Lake soccer game! I think Ethan's perfect weekend combo: blessings of the Gospel and soccer. Come to think of it, he seems to have gotten his weekends more often than not this summer.
This morning I got to make some of these for our stake YW's camp this weekend.

I've been wanting to make some dolls, but haven't had a reason nor a pattern for it. It was a lot of fun and easy. If we get the chance to adopt a child  from another race, I'm very passionate about them have "multicultural-friendly" toys, so I'll probably be making some more of these for myself.
I'm very, very glad that I could help with this stake project.  I'd love to "mother" other people's children as I'm told to do as one without children. But, I find that other mothers don't want me to. I rarely get asked to babysit or hold other people's babies. So I'm trying to enjoy my time more in the Cub Scouts.
While sewing these up, I listened to this book.

It is excellent. So many Gospel truths and sound advice. Many, many things I am kicking myself over for not being a better wife. But I don't feel sad or mad at myself, as much as I understand better the marriage relationship and can see how my actions effect my husband and how I can do better. I highly recommended it to any married woman.

Last week I read a book given to me by my mother, and strongly encouraged by my husband to read. I resisted, mostly because I didn't know what it was about, assuming it was about changing my attitude, I was not interested. After all, the book is titled "Hotel on the corner of Bitter and Sweet". When I opened it up, I asked E why he didn't tell me what it was about. He insisted that he did, but I would definitely have remembered if I know it was about Asian-American families during WWII-one of my very favorite topics. Anyway, I must continually relearn that when my mother or my husband recommended books to me, I should at least try them. I offer that suggestion to you as well if you have the pleasure of knowing my mother or husband. This book is so beautifully written. I wept when I closed the cover after reading it non-stop (but I am an overly-hormonal girl). It is a sweet (and bitter) story of love, forgiveness, standing up against prejudice, and family dynamics.

I'll get to the report on Lake Tahoe soon.

Week of craziness!

I guess the week of craziness really started last week.
Friday evening and Saturday 8-6 we attended a class about adoption offered by the Logan chapter of Familes Supporting Adoption. There was one other couple there and we learned so much. (Refer to last post.)
All the while E was wishing that he was either playing soccer or watching the World Cup, but he had a good attitude and enjoyed it as well.
We also got to spend some time with E's parents as they came up for part of our class on Saturday and took us out to dinner (Thanks!!! It was sooo yummy) We also found out that my grandfather passed away Saturday morning.

On Sunday evening we left for SLC to stay the night with my aunt and uncle because E was called up for federal jury duty at the district court in downtown Salt Lake. So I dropped off Ethan at 7 am and enjoyed some fun shopping that day and picked him up again at 2 pm. We went and played around at the planetarium until we checked in at the Little America hotel (provided by the court) and drove over to the memorial being held for my grandpa at a mortuary near their home. A few hundred people came and I think my grandma was pleasantly surprised and lifted up by all the kind people. We had a good time talking and laughing with our cousins and meeting this uncle and that twice-removed cousin again. When all the adults had gone, my SL cousins, and my sis and hubby went out to eat and continue our laughter and conversation.
Tuesday morning was bright and early again as my parents picked me up at 7am to bring me back to CV for the burial. The American Legion and 2 guys from the Reserve were there to honor my grandpa, a WWII veteran. It was a nice service and especially emotional as one of the soldiers presented my mom with the flag that had been draped over his coffin. More fun and togetherness ensued as we enjoyed a small luncheon at my parents for the family.
My SL cousins then graciously returned me to Salt Lake where E and I attended a show at the planetarium and then dinner in the Joseph Smith Memorial Bldg.
All this time, E had been wanting to share with me the details of the case but of course, was not allowed to to.
Wednesday morning I again dropped off Ethan and went to a few stores around town. Nothing too exciting.
Then, as I went to pick him up, I got lost, of course because the streets of downtown SL are so confusing. Then, I almost got a parking ticket waiting outside. It had been 30 minutes after the end, and I went in to ask if they were finished and the guards told me that everyone had gone home. I was so worried and couldn't figure out why E hadn't called me. I tried to find a real parking spot, went in and asked again. By this time I had started crying so they took me back to the jury room and he was still in there finishing up. We just got some lunch and drove home exhausted. Ethan could finally tell me about the case and did so the whole 2 hours home. As soon as we got home, we both crashed and slept until late, finally getting up around bedtime, I made some Filipino soup that I ate for dinner (and breakfast this morning) then going to bed again.
So if we're tried and a bit behind on work and other things, you'll have to forgive us.

It's about love.

I'm not sure what else you substitute in place of "love" in the title. Maybe fear? selfishness? desperation?
We've been to an adoption workshop the last 2 days and have learned so much,

1. Birth mothers are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. We are so excited to meet and get to know ours. 
2. The spirits of our children might come through another woman's body, but they are ours nonetheless.
3. We can afford the adoption expenses.
4. There is a Family Home Evening group of "Couples in Waiting". Finally, a group of people that we can identify with and can understand us as a childless couple.
5. Every adoption story is different, and a miracle in its own right.
6. The phrase "putting up for adoption" applies more to us as a couple that we are putting ourselves out there to be selected. "placing for adoption" emphasizes the love and care of a birth mother and intentionally placing the life of her little one to give life to another family. 
7. Developing and maintaining a deep, personal, and open relationship with the birth mother is going to be my way of allowing the Savior to heal the pain of being childless and my fear of close relationships with others.
8. That we need to be clear with our friends and family about the level of privacy that we desire as we invite their help in looking for our child.
9. That we need to be clear about our willingness to continue a relationship with the birth mother after placement.
10. That we can grieve for our years of infertility whether or not it will be a permanent (mortal) condition. 
11.  It's OK to be me in completing our profile. I'm not perfect, but who I am is exactly what someone is out there looking for.
12. It's OK to honestly and prayerfully narrow our presences to within our comfort level. No promises about the Lord's preferences.
13. How to respond when your child plays the "you're not my 'real' parents" card. Also explaining adoption to your children.

New song

I just added a song called "Rocket Surgery" to our playlist. I just heard it on my cousins' blog.
It. is. so. E. and. I. Hope you like it. It also reminded me of a great movie called "Barefoot in the park" which is, coincidentally, about a nerd and a free spirit's newlywed days. Love it.
Lyrics:
You’ve marched
To your pomp and your circumstance
Bravely
You’re starched you’re a formal affair and
I Can’t breathe
You’re smart you know all those big words
And their meanings
But you aren’t very good at remembering
Small things

You say that you love me but I ask you
How much
So you spread your arms wide till behind you
Your thumbs touch
And you hold that position as I add it all up
Oh, in cold hard mathematical terms you’re
In love

So hold me, don’t think too hard about it
Would common sense allow it?
You wait too long and you’ll lose me
Just do it when you get the urging
Oh its not rocket surgery
When you know you love someone it’s easy

Your book heavy head is so weighted with
Deep thoughts
As you lay in my lap and we struggle with
Small talk
Try writing it down but you trip on
Writers block
So we just “hmmm mmm mmm”
On and on and on and on

We’re a pair you’re smart I’m romantic
Kiss like you care your mouth is mechanical
Words are air; over my head they blow
So blink once if you like it
And blink twice if you don’t
Three times, if you love it
And then just keep them closed

 

Wedding/Mission Photos

I just added to my "Wedding Album" on Facebook with some really fun photos I didn't know that I had. Also, I started a new mission album too. I hope you enjoy them!

 

P.S. About a week ago I did an album of some fun times I had in Fort Collins, CO. See it here.